Ok before I even start into this I want to remind you that this is a blog post! My opinion and thoughts based off of real life experiences. This is posted on MY website; written by ME and proof read by very few so get over the grammar errors and possible miss spellings. haha This isn’t going to be published in some PhD approved magazine or going to be approved by the all knowing gods of fitness. So, no getting heated or all butt hurt over MY OPINION. Ok, now that we have covered that lets get into what this post is about.
I actually started this blog post almost a year ago and just kept it in a file folder thinking maybe someday I would finish it and share my thoughts with the world. Well, after a recent incident with one of my athletes I decided to reopen this file and really share my feelings on this topic. If you don’t already know what this topic is about, this blog goes out to all the advice givers of the world. Now when I say advice givers I am speaking in terms of those in this crazy fitness world who feel the need to share their unsolicited opinion and thoughts with complete strangers, particularly females in the fitness industry. Now, let’s also remember that 1) I am a female in the fitness industry. 2) I am a CompPrep coach with a successful resume (But I don’t need to defend myself for having an opinion) 3) Yes, I will be writing this post through the eyes of a female. So guys don’t get all butt hurt and think I am being sexist towards you, there are females that are just as bad. I want people to understand more about how their “unwanted advice” can cause more harm than good.
A young girl walks into the gym, drinking out of a shaker bottle which she just purchased a couple months ago because it was on her prep list essentials having absolutely no idea what it was a month earlier. She has a gallon jug of water in the other hand and she is on cloud nine, feeling the best she has felt in years. She gathers all of her things before hitting the gym floor. Pouring some powder substance into her gallon jug that she knows is a must to drink during her workout. She goes through her pre workout routine and is about ready to begin her workout. BUT wait! Something new has appeared, she snaps a pic of her abs to send to her best friend with the text “O my gawd look!! I have abs, I’ve never had abs before” with 100 smiley faces. Her friend responds, “That’s so awesome, I am so proud of you, I could never be that disciplined. Keep it up you are almost there!” Now it’s time for her to start her workout. She double checks her workout program which her trainer has written out for her to make sure she doesn’t skip anything, while quietly saying to herself “I have to squat how much?!?! Jesus she is trying to kill me, Ok I got this” She gets about half way through her workout and just hit a new PR on squats, What does that call for?! A quick text to her trainer “I hit the squat weight!!” All while her leaning out physique and gallon water jug (because apparently these are a world symbol stating you are training for something” have caught the eye of a gentlemen lifting on the nearby equipment. He of course sees how excited she is about her new PR and wants to come over to say great job. HERE it comes!!! The exchange of words and questions that almost always start the dreaded “unwanted advice”
Gentlemen: You look great, are you training for something?
Girl: Yes, I’m training for my first bikini competition!
Gentlemen: Oh, do you have a coach?
Girl: Yes
Gentlemen: Well how much cardio are you doing? Are you eating carbs? You should probably do more cardio. Well my brothers, girlfriend’s cousin did a show and she couldn’t have peanut butter. Are you eating peanut butter? How far out are you? You should probably work on your midsection; you don’t have much time left. I did a competition once; I can help you with your diet. I wasn’t allowed carbs, I can’t believe your coach is giving you carbs.
Ok I think you get the idea. So congratulations gentlemen at the gym you have now taken a young girl who was on cloud nine about her progress to questioning absolutely everything when not once did the words “what is your advice or would you mind giving me some feedback” came out of her mouth. Want to know what is going through that young girls mind now…………………….
“I couldn’t believe the conversation I just had with a complete stranger. I felt embarrassed for feeling so pleased with my progress and suddenly my abs didn’t seem so impressive to me. My suit didn’t feel so pretty. I just felt mortified and ashamed. If some strange person could go up to me and tell me I wasn’t good enough to present myself on stage after nearly 16 weeks of around the clock training, it felt as if everyone else would think so too. It’s disheartening to give everything you’ve got into one specific goal…. I temporarily gave up a sport I loved and was good at so that I could pursue my bikini goals, and it was as if the last 4 months might as well not have happened. As if ever 3:30 AM workout day was for nothing. As if adapting a strict eating regimen and disciplining myself was completely in vain.
I was brought to tears as soon as he walked out the door… Feeling like I had wasted my time training, like I wasted my money on a pretty suit for a soft body, and the abs I was so proud of sculpting and leaning out five minutes before seemed lumpy and ugly in that moment. How could anyone say what he said? How is that okay?
Logically, I know none of that is true. I am still damn proud of how far I’ve come and how I look, and I truly believe I will come out of the competition a winner (yes, even without a placement or a medal!). I alone know my back-story and my inner struggles, and I alone can appreciate the sacrifices I’ve made to achieve this goal. However, my confidence was shaken a bit. I’m only human, and I have moments where I’ve thought the exact thing that this man had the nerve to tell me; now my insecurities have been confirmed by another human being who has no idea I was teased for being overweight in elementary school. I was picked on for my size most my life. I worked my ass off to hold American records and gain control of my body. Most importantly, he had no idea that I never loved my body. Not until two years ago when I focused on my health opposed to appearance.
In retrospect, I realize he must live a sad, cynical life if he feels the need to cut down an athlete to convince her to train under him, and I almost feel sorry for him. If anyone tries to do this to me again I’m better prepared and will make sure I tell them how I feel about their commentary on my body— and I have a coach that will kick serious butt on the next sorry sap.”
~Anonymous Team TaylerMade Athlete
What I am trying to say is that these advice givers can do so much more harm than good! It’s the advice givers of the world that can cause a young athlete to have body issues, and question everything their coach is telling them! I asked a friend, a 10+ year veteran in the fitness and competition world if she would add her input on this subject here is what she had to say…
“I was lucky enough to have a prep coach who warned me about all the “professional advice givers” that would emerge once I started prepping for my competition. Sure enough, once my changes became apparent, people started approaching me to ask me questions about things ranging from workout to diet. They would then mention something about how I should “be careful” not to get “too big.” Never failed, they would immediately offer their “advice.” It didn’t matter if they had ever competed or were even in shape, they knew a BETTER way and KNEW someone that knew someone…and on and on.. who did it this way or that. Don’t get me wrong, they all believed they were really helping me out, and at times it seemed like their advice was legit. This became confusing and I began to question my current plan, even my current physique. Of course I panicked and called my coach,”Oh so and so said my abs are going to distract from my body and that my carbs are way too low..and…” I think his exact words were,”Didn’t I tell you about this sh#t?” My advice, now that I’ve competed for almost 10 years and have helped other competitors along the way is this: You are paying your trainer, the person you trust most to get you through this prep, so do ONLY WHAT THEY SAY. Every Joe Schmo has advice for you, maybe even good advice, but you didn’t pay them for their input! If you start incorporating even one little deviance from what your trainer says, you’ll immediately have a big mess if/when your trainer needs to adjust things because they aren’t aware of what you’re doing without their knowledge. Just knowing those advice givers are there and WILL try to talk to you is the best defense you have. Be polite, explain you have a trainer, and end the conversation. You’re trainer has your back… smile emoticon”
You never know the struggles an athlete may have had in the past or what it has taken her to get to the point she is at today. Don’t take it upon yourself to try and give someone who you know nothing about advice! Athletes beware of the “advice givers” in the fitness world, believe in yourself and trust your coach!
Please feel free to leave comments with your thoughts, feedback or even a personal experience you may have had with someone giving you unwanted advice.
Tayler,
This was very well written and appreciated from a newbie like me. I feel so awkward and still feel like I have a big mark on my back that says I’m a newbie. This was a wonderful read and inspired me to really forget what remarks I get from people or my inner demons and focus on the plan and what coach says! Thank you for this wonderful read!
This happens even with people who are not training for competition. My mother and I were at the gym doing some cardio. We were on the stairs working hard but not killing ourselves. A middle aged man in jeans and flannel shirt gets on the machine next to my mother to begin his workout. He notices my mother and I sweating heavily. This is a family trait. Seriously, even under mild physical/mental stress we sweat. Going in for a hard math test? Sweating like we just ran a 5k. That’s just our physiology. He leans over and tells my mom she’s going too fast and at too high of a resistance and takes it upon himself to lower her settings. HE REACHED OVER AND CHANGED HER SETTINGS! Who the hell does that? We were so shocked that we ended our workout early. No, we shouldn’t have quit. Yes, we should have told him off. Still in that moment we were incredulous and had to leave.
Some people are just jerks. I was not prepared for this first round of fitness jerks. Lord help the next one who tries. Fortunately, on my own without my mom there to lighten my spirits my resting face at the gym is one of that I’m in such a foul mood I might rip your face off. So no one approaches me. Probably for the best really….I get more done.