After powerlifting for about a year and a half I knew I wanted to push my
physique to show of the hard work I’ve put into my body… But I had no idea
where to start. I googled fitness model training programs and visited a
nutritionist, in addition to the many google searches I archived. Months
passed of depressing meals and plateaued progress. I knew I needed some
further guidance to provide me the proper tools… somewhere along the way I
decided training for a specific event would give me the proper drive and
motivation.

I visited with several trainers, and made very clear timelines to complete
my goals. At the point of choosing a trainer and officially starting comp
prep I was pretty strung out.

I was nervous. There were nights I became physically ill with the stress
about dedicating myself to a bikini competition—what if I failed??? What
would I tell my friends and family??? I knew I’d be embarrassed and ashamed
if somehow I could not follow through, and truly competition prep was an
unknown process to me. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. My
fight or flight senses were going berserk.

This is where fate interfered and gave me the best coach anyone could want
for a 16 week intensive prep. Following my gut, I opted out of the guidance
of one trainer in favor of Tayler’s training. As soon as I started training
with her instruction, all the anxiety and fears melted away. In front of me
was a clear cut plan telling me exactly what to do and when for the next
four months. I didn’t have to think about a thing. Comp prep was “easy” for
3 months—there was no nonsense about carb cycling or depletion, fruits were
not taken away from me, and the training was all consistent and predictable.

The longer I trained, the harder it got…. Some people around me start to
shun and isolate me…. Some began making rude and presumptuous statements. In
the last month I saw through frauds and jealous persons in a heartbeat, and
truly recognized and acknowledged the kind souls that stood by me and
supported and encouraged me. I have a greater appreciation for those people
that provided kindness in my isolation, and I believe I am a better person
for being exposed to such raw character (both good and bad). I learned how
robust my relationship is with my boyfriend, as well. It’s incredible to see
through people so easily. The hunger and cravings I experienced in the last
four weeks were incredibly primal and I was hard to be around; luckily I had
true friends and a loving boyfriend who stood by me and anchored me to
reality.

The day of competition was incredibly anticlimactic—I stood on stage for
maybe a total of 30 minutes. My heart wasn’t pounding, I was well trained
for this, but I remember thinking, “I trained for 4 months and I just went
on stage for about 5 minutes!?!?” haha! To be somewhat contradicting, the
day was also incredibly surreal—I was tan and slender and I had never looked
leaner or stronger than I did the day of my show. I felt beautiful and proud
and I could not believe that I was finally at the venue—I was surrounded by
150 people who went through some variation of my prep and were dedicated
enough to experience what 99% of the population could never even imagine
experiencing. Hearing my name in the top five call outs was like replaying
the fantasy I had in my head every day for the last 16 weeks…. After walking
out to take a medal for the open division call outs my heart felt a million
times lighter… there was a voice I my head that kept saying “I did it! I
made it!” and when I walked behind the curtain I remember holding my medal
and feeling my face contort trying not to start bawling. There were coaches
backstage getting riled up at their girls not placing first, and girls
saddened by being placed 4th or 5th, or feeling like they didn’t get placed
high enough, but I like to think I’d have the same satisfaction and the same
amount of pride no matter where I placed. It was flattering and humbling to
have been placed on stage with such beautiful, lean women, and I was
satisfied with everything I accomplished before the show! I had a perfect
prep, I never faltered or cheated, and I could enter the show with a clear
conscience and my head held high.

Post comp I experience the same level of rude insensitivity, unfortunately.
The first words out of one gentleman’s mouth when I return home was, “You’re
not planning to gain weight again, right?”. Friends and coworker back home
would be curious about my training, and they would follow a congratulatory
remark with “Just don’t overdo it when you’re done training!”. Another
person whom I always admired and liked even went so far as to tell me I was
“chubby” before I trained for this show. All of these things were said to me
as I sat around 10% body fat, which is by no means a healthy composition…..
To be told I looked good and shouldn’t gain weight the minute I
walked off the stage was a huge slap in the face. Luckily, I developed some
thick skin.

With that being said, I also experienced the greatest amount of kindness and
encouragement post prep as well… Those closest to me, or with naturally
loving hearts, are the ones that congratulated without any backhanded
remarks. These folks are the ones that fueled the fire during my prep, and I
can appreciate their presence a lot more now that I’ve weeded out many
people who don’t deserve to be a part of my success. These folks bring me on
the verge of tears with all that they’ve done for me during the hardest
parts of prep. They are why I can be successful—I could never have gotten
through without their encouragement and support. I’d encourage all women to
go through a prep at least once in their lives if only to see who should
belong in their lives for the long run!

Moving forward I hope to meet my powerlifting goals while maintaining a
healthy body composition. I’d like to compete in physique or figure someday
when I have reached my powerlifting goals. In the meantime, I am currently
in the process of applying for graduate schools in either chemical
engineering….. or human nutrition! Diet and exercise have become passions
for me in the past two years, and the past 4 months showed me what
dedication and knowledge can bring to those willing to apply both! I hope to
help teach people in the states how to eat and what eating can do for the
body! I want to learn how foods affect our bodies and how to optimize our
nutrition. I have yet to decide what my career path will be absolutely, but
I know if I can get through a comp prep I can do just about anything!
Training for a bikini competition isn’t just about leaning out. It teaches
you about eating habits, how to train efficiently (cuz let’s get real, who
wants to be at the gym 3+ hours every day?), dedication, and
resourcefulness. If you have the work ethic to get on stage, you have the
work ethic to get that A in school, to apply for that college, to maintain
your health, to be a superstar parent, etc, etc.

I’ll close with this: everything I did, no matter how painful or challenging
at times, was worth it to point to a picture of myself up on stage and say,
“I did that.”